Parenting Unity: Why It Matters and How to Get There
By Debbie and Randy Stroman
When it comes to raising children, there is no single factor more important than unity between parents. No matter how great your individual parenting skills may be, if you and your spouse are not united in approach, vision, and decisions, your home will feel divided—and children will sense that division immediately.
Unity does not mean you will always agree on every detail. But it does mean you will resolve differences together privately and present a united front to your children. A unified approach gives children stability, builds respect for parental authority, and models healthy relationships they will carry into adulthood.
When parents are divided—arguing in front of the kids, undermining each other’s decisions, or running separate “parenting agendas”—children often feel anxious, confused, and even manipulative (“I’ll ask Mom since Dad already said no”). Over time, this can lead to discipline problems, emotional insecurity, and fractured family relationships.
So how do you maintain unity when you and your spouse see things differently? That’s when you THINK your way to a solution, rather than SINK the conversation.
THINK or SINK
This is a simple, Biblically-inspired way to navigate parenting disagreements without sinking your relationship or confusing your kids.
When conflict arises, pause and ask yourself:
T – Take a Breath.
Don’t react immediately in front of the kids. Pause, calm your emotions, and remember the goal—raising your children in love and unity.
H – Hear Each Other Out.
Find a private moment to really listen to your spouse’s perspective. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk—seek to understand why they feel the way they do.
I – Identify the Real Issue.
Many parenting disagreements are symptoms of deeper concerns—values, fears, or past experiences. Identify the root cause of the disagreement so you can address it effectively.
N – Negotiate a Plan Together.
Discuss possible solutions and decide on a plan you both can support—whether it’s about curfews, chores, discipline, or screen time.
K – Keep It United in Front of the Kids.
Once you decide together, stick to it. Your unity is the most important issue. With unity comes parental authority.
What Happens if You Don’t THINK? You SINK.
If you skip the THINK steps, you risk:
- S – Splitting the Kids’ Loyalty – Children feel torn between parents.
- I – Increasing Insecurity – Kids lose their sense of stability and safety.
- N – Neglecting Respect for Authority – Parents lose credibility and influence.
- K – Killing Connection – Division erodes intimacy and trust between spouses.
Unity is Biblical
Ephesians 4:3 reminds us to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Unity is not automatic—it’s intentional. As parents, making “every effort” means protecting your relationship above winning an argument.
You are in this for the long haul
Parenting is a lifelong partnership. When your children see you and your spouse making decisions in unity—supporting one another, resolving differences respectfully—they not only obey more consistently, but they also learn how to build strong, godly relationships in their own lives.
THINK together—or you will SINK together. The choice is yours.
We have a powerful resource that shows you how to put the THINK process into motion. Our private Two-Day Marriage Intensive equips couples to communicate more freely; while solving the big challenges we all face in marriage.
Reach out today to inquire about scheduling a Marriage Intensive for your relationship. It will change the way you do marriage.