The Dangers of Pride in Marriage
By Randy and Debbie Stroman
Pride is a subtle but destructive force in marriage. It can disguise itself as self-confidence, strong convictions, or the desire to be “right,” but in reality, pride often pushes couples apart rather than bringing them together.
When pride takes root, it creates an invisible wall between spouses. Instead of listening, we defend. Instead of serving, we demand. Instead of apologizing, we justify. This wall may start small, but over time it can block the intimacy, trust, and unity God intends for a marriage.
The Bible’s Warning About Pride
Scripture is clear:
- “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
- “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” (James 4:6)
Pride did not begin in the human heart—it began in Heaven. Isaiah 14:12-15 and Ezekiel 28:17 describe how Lucifer, the most glorious of God’s angels, allowed pride to consume him. He rebelled against God’s authority, seeking to exalt himself above his Creator. That rebellion cost him everything, and the seed of that same pride infects humanity today.
At its core, pride is defiance against God’s design—knowing what is right but refusing to do it (James 4:17). In marriage, this same rebellion plays out when we resist humbling ourselves, serving our spouse, or yielding in love, even when we know that is what God calls us to do.
What Pride Looks Like in Marriage Conversations
Pride in marriage doesn’t always come with shouting matches or slammed doors—it often shows up quietly in the way we speak and listen (or don’t listen) to each other. Here are some common signs:
- Needing to have the last word – Even after your spouse has made a point, you feel compelled to “clarify” or “set the record straight.”
- Turning every disagreement into a competition – Treating discussions like battles to be won rather than opportunities to grow together.
- Interrupting or talking over your spouse – Signaling that your words matter more than theirs.
- Dismissing feelings with logic – When your spouse shares hurt, you respond with reasons they “shouldn’t” feel that way rather than empathy.
- Deflecting blame – Instead of owning your part, you explain why it’s their fault or why your reaction was justified.
- Withholding apologies – Feeling like saying “I’m sorry” would somehow diminish your worth or control.
- Rehearsing your defense instead of listening – Thinking about how to prove your point while your spouse is still speaking.
These behaviors may seem small in the moment, but over time they send a painful message: “My pride matters more than our peace.” This is why God warns so strongly against pride—it poisons love at the root.
Biblical Steps to Overcome Pride in Marriage
- Choose Humility Daily
Humility is not weakness—it’s strength under control. Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” In marriage, that means putting your spouse’s needs, feelings, and perspectives ahead of your own comfort or ego.
- Practice Quick Repentance
When pride whispers, “Don’t admit you were wrong,” answer with repentance. Saying, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” disarms tension and strengthens trust. 1 John 1:9 promises that confession leads to cleansing—both in our relationship with God and with each other.
- Replace Defensiveness with Listening
James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” The humble spouse listens to understand, not to reload an argument. When we slow down and truly hear each other, pride loses its grip.
- Pray Together for a Humble Heart
Pride thrives in self-reliance. Prayer reminds us we need God and each other. Ask God to reveal blind spots, soften stubborn hearts, and give you the courage to respond in love instead of pride.
- Serve Your Spouse Intentionally
Jesus washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:14-15), modeling the humility we are called to show. Look for small, consistent ways to serve—making coffee, offering encouragement, taking over a task your spouse dreads. Serving dissolves pride and grows a servant’s heart.
The Reward of Humility in Marriage
When pride is replaced with humility, marriages flourish. Unity deepens, forgiveness flows more easily, and love becomes more secure. Humility doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself, it means thinking of yourself less and thinking of your spouse more.
If pride has been building walls in your marriage, remember this: God can tear them down. He promises that “when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). Wisdom, grace, and love—those are the building blocks of a thriving, Christ-centered marriage.
Pride in Marriage – Reflection Checklist
This checklist will help you identify areas where pride may be creeping into your marriage and give you a starting point to choose humility. Take time to pray before answering and be open to what God might reveal.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Philippians 2:3
- Did I listen more than I spoke?
- Did I interrupt my spouse or talk over them?
- Was I more focused on winning the argument than understanding their heart?
- Did I take responsibility for my part, or did I shift the blame?
- Did I validate my spouse’s feelings, even if I disagreed?
- Was I quick to apologize, or did I hold back?
- Did I pray (even silently) for a humble response?
Use this checklist regularly, especially after disagreements, to keep your heart soft and your marriage strong. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you where pride needs to be surrendered and where humility can grow.
Want to learn more about how to overcome pride in your marriage?
Our private Two-Day Marriage Intensive equips couples to communicate more freely; while solving the big challenges we all face in marriage. Reach out today to inquire about scheduling a Marriage Intensive for your relationship. It will change the way you do marriage.