Using the Right Owner’s Manual for Your Marriage

By Randy and Debbie Stroman

Imagine you just purchased the most expensive production car in the world — a $7 million Pagani. Now, imagine trying to operate this high-performance luxury vehicle using the owner’s manual from a $16,000 Nissan Versa, which is the lowest priced production car.

At best, you wouldn’t enjoy the experience. At worst, you’d damage a vehicle built for extraordinary performance. That’s why every good dealer takes time to walk you through your new vehicle’s features before you ever drive it. They know that when you understand its design, capabilities, and unique features, your satisfaction soars — and your performance on the road follows.

Marriage works the same way.

Marriage Has a Manufacturer

Marriage wasn’t invented by man. It wasn’t created by governments or designed by Hollywood screenwriters. Marriage is God’s creation — and He designed it to work a certain way.

Like every great designer, God also gave us an owner’s manual — the Bible. When we study His instructions and follow them, we have a 100% chance of success in our marriage.

But here’s the challenge: most of us are using the wrong manual.

Where Most of Us Learned About Marriage

For many couples, our “training” for marriage came from watching our parents. If you grew up in a home where love, unity, and healthy communication were modeled, you may have learned a few valuable lessons. But most of us didn’t.

Our parents were figuring it out as they went, and in many cases, they unknowingly taught us what doesn’t work in relationships.

We also shape our understanding through past relationships. We think, “That didn’t work. Maybe this time I’ll try something different.” So, we experiment — constantly trying new approaches, hoping this time will be different.

And then there’s Hollywood. From romantic comedies to heartbreaking dramas, we’ve absorbed messages about love that sound poetic but don’t work in real life. Remember the famous Jerry Maguire line: “You complete me”?

That sounds sweet, but it’s simply not biblical. Your spouse cannot complete you. Only God can do that. If Hollywood had the secret to great marriages, there wouldn’t be so many celebrity divorces splashed across the headlines.

God’s Original Blueprint for Marriage

If we want to experience the marriage God designed, we must return to His manual. Genesis 2:24-25 gives us the original blueprint for marriage:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
(Genesis 2:24-25, NKJV)

In Marriage on the Rock, author Jimmy Evans explains that these verses reveal four foundational laws that govern every healthy marriage.

The Four Laws of Love

(Based on “Marriage on the Rock” by Jimmy Evans)

1. The Law of Priority
   Marriage works best when it’s the highest earthly priority. After God, your spouse should come before work, hobbies, friends, and even children.
2. The Law of Pursuit
   Great marriages don’t happen by accident. Love thrives when we continue pursuing each other intentionally — through time, effort, and consistent acts of love.
3. The Law of Partnership
   Marriage is not his job or her job; it’s our job. God designed marriage to operate as an equal partnership, with shared responsibilities, shared dreams, and shared decision-making.
4. The Law of Purity
   True intimacy is built on transparency and trust. When we hide nothing from our spouse — emotionally, financially, or spiritually — we create a safe environment where love flourishes.

Practical Ways to Apply the Four Laws

Here are some simple, actionable steps couples can take today:

For the Law of Priority

• Schedule regular date nights — and protect them like an important meeting.
• Set boundaries around work, friendships, and family to keep your spouse first.
• Ask your spouse weekly: “Do you feel like my top priority?”

For the Law of Pursuit

• Speak your spouse’s love language daily — even in small ways.
• Send a thoughtful text, leave a note, or plan a spontaneous surprise.
• Never stop dating your spouse, no matter how long you’ve been married.

For the Law of Partnership

• Share household responsibilities and decision-making openly.
• Set financial goals together and celebrate milestones.
• Pray over big decisions as a team before moving forward.

For the Law of Purity

• Be transparent about money, devices, and emotions.
• Confess mistakes quickly and forgive readily.
• Create an environment where nothing is hidden and everything is safe to share.

A Fresh Start for Your Marriage

It’s never too late to begin again. No matter where you’ve been or what’s happened in your marriage, God’s design still works.

When we align with His owner’s manual — the Bible — and put the Four Laws of Love into daily practice, we unlock the potential for a marriage filled with love, trust, and joy.

Today can be your fresh start. Choose to learn God’s way, live God’s way, and love God’s way — and watch your marriage transform.

Want Help Applying God’s Design for Marriage?

If you and your spouse are ready to align your marriage with God’s original blueprint, we invite you to learn more about our Two-Day Marriage Intensive.

In this private coaching experience, we’ll help you:

• Discover and apply the Four Laws of Love
• Heal past hurts and rebuild trust
• Develop a personalized plan for lasting closeness and connection

Get help from Your Great Marriage: https://yourgreatmarriage.help

If your marriage is in crisis, contact Your Great Marriage here and someone will contact you within 24 hours: https://restoration.yourgreatmarriage.help/calendar.  If your crisis includes physical abuse, or the threat of violence, contact your local police first before reaching out to Your Great Marriage.  You are not alone.  Help is available.