By Randy and Debbie Stroman
Imagine your child keeps getting into trouble. They’re talking back, causing tension in your home, and at times withdrawing to their room—shutting down conversations before they even start. When you gently ask, “What’s wrong?” they answer with the classic, “Nothing.”
Over time, your frustration grows beyond what you imagined possible. But even in that frustration, you don’t give up on them. You fight for their heart. You stand with them, support them, and pray for them—because they are your child, your flesh and blood. And who else is going to fight for them if not you?
So here’s a question every married person must honestly confront:
Why will we go to the ends of the earth to fight for our kids… but we won’t fight for our marriage?
Why are we so quick to consider divorce instead of seeking help, recapturing our spouse’s heart, supporting them, and standing with them through the struggle? After all, your spouse is your flesh and blood. The Bible says, “the two shall become one flesh” when we marry (Genesis 2:24).
So, if we instinctively fight for our children because they are “ours,” then why wouldn’t we fight just as fiercely for the person God has joined to us in covenant?
Many people say, “But I don’t want to be taken advantage of… I don’t want to keep getting hurt… I don’t want to be run over.” Those concerns are real. Pain in marriage is real. But the deeper question still remains:
Why don’t we fight for our spouse with the same determination we fight for our children?
The Missing Ingredient: Resilience
At its core, the reason we stop fighting is because we lack resilience.
Proverbs 24:16 reminds us: “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.”
Resilience is the God-given ability to get up—again and again—even when life knocks you down.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), resilience is:
“The process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”
In simple terms, resilience is a learned skill—not a personality trait. You don’t have to be born with it. You develop it. And it all starts with one powerful decision:
“I refuse to quit.”
The Bible echoes this mindset:
- “When I fall, I shall arise.” — Micah 7:8
- “Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal…”— Philippians 3:13–14
Resilience means you keep rising. Resilience means you refocus on the future God has for you. Resilience means you map out a strategy to get there instead of surrendering to defeat.
What Resilience Looks Like in Marriage
In the context of marriage, resilience looks like this:
- Remove the “D-Word” from your vocabulary.
Divorce cannot remain an easy escape hatch. As long as divorce is an option, resilience cannot grow.
- Ask God to give you a “never quit” mindset.
A resilient spirit is not built on willpower alone—it’s built through surrender to the Holy Spirit and a commitment to God’s design for marriage.
- Get the help you need.
Resilient couples seek wisdom. They talk to a marriage coach, counselor, or mediator. They don’t wait until the marriage collapses; they take action early.
- Keep getting back up.
Even when misunderstandings knock you down. Even when emotions are raw. Even when communication breaks down. Even when your heart feels tired.
Resilience says, “God is not finished with us yet.”
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If your marriage feels overwhelming, or the pain seems too deep, please hear this: Resilience doesn’t mean you have to fix everything by yourself. It means you take the next faithful step.
And one of the simplest steps you can take today is reaching out for support.
We would be honored to walk with you, help you rebuild hope, and guide you toward the marriage God designed for you. Reach out to Your Great Marriage and let us help you develop a spirit of resilience in your marriage: