By Randy and Debbie Stroman
I have a good friend who has developed an unusual habit. Everywhere he goes, he thanks people for coming to work.
That’s right. Not just for excellent service. Not just when someone goes above and beyond. He thanks people for the simple, ordinary, expected act of showing up.
At an airport counter, he thanks the ticket agent for coming to work. At a restaurant, he thanks the server for coming to work. At an event, he thanks the security guard for coming to work. At a store, he thanks the cashier for coming to work.
The first time I saw him do this, I thought it was interesting. Then I listened to his explanation, and it changed the way I saw people.
He said, “Whatever I am doing in this moment, I could not do it unless this person made the decision to come to work today. Their job may be to help me, but their presence still matters. Their decision to show up made my life easier.”
That simple perspective had a profound impact on me. Since then, I have tried to follow his example. I started thanking people not only for what they did, but for the fact that they came to work and were there to help.
What surprised me most was the reaction.
Many people are shocked. Some look at you as if they are not sure they heard you correctly. Some smile. Some laugh nervously. Some say, “Well, I have to work.” And when they say that I usually respond, “I understand, but you still had a choice. The alternative may not have been favorable, but you chose to come, and because you did, you helped me accomplish what I needed to do today. So, thank you for coming to work.”
It is amazing how often that simple statement changes the atmosphere.
Recently, I bought a cooler for a family trip. As the cashier helped me complete the purchase, I thanked her for coming to work that day. She stopped, looked at me, and began to cry.
She said, “No one has ever thanked me for coming to work. Most people don’t even thank me for helping them.”
Then she explained what her day had been like. Half of the staff had not shown up. The only other cashier working that night was actually the manager, who had stepped in because no one else came. They had been short-staffed, overwhelmed, and treated poorly by customers who seemed frustrated that everything was taking longer than usual.
Then she said something I have not forgotten: “Most people look down on me because I am a cashier and they are a high-paid professional. To have someone notice my effort and appreciate me, I don’t even know what to say. You thanking me means more than you can know.”
That moment stayed with me.
As I walked away, I began thinking about marriage.
How often do we fail to notice the person closest to us? How often do we take for granted the faithful, daily presence of our spouse? How often do we assume they will always be there, always help, always contribute, always carry their part of the load, and always show up for the life we are building together?
In marriage, it is easy to notice what is missing. It is easy to focus on what was not done, what was forgotten, what was said wrong, what irritated us, or what failed to meet our expectations. But over time, if we are not careful, we can become blind to the ordinary faithfulness that holds our life together.
Your spouse may not be perfect, but they may be showing up in ways you have stopped seeing.
They may go to work every day to help provide for the family. They may carry the weight of responsibilities you rarely think about. They may keep track of appointments, bills, groceries, meals, laundry, children, repairs, schedules, and details that make life run more smoothly. They may listen to your frustrations, pray for you quietly, forgive more than you realize, and keep choosing the marriage even on days when they feel unseen.
Sometimes the things we call “normal” are actually acts of love we have stopped appreciating.
There is a husband who gets up early and goes to work, not because every day is fulfilling, but because he loves his family and takes responsibility seriously. There is a wife who manages countless unseen details that no one applauds, but everyone benefits from. There is a spouse who fills the car with gas, picks up the prescription, takes out the trash, handles the difficult conversation, folds the laundry, makes the appointment, pays the bill, prepares the meal, checks on the children, or simply stays emotionally present when life is hard.
These things may not feel dramatic, but they matter.
A marriage is not only built in the big moments. It is also built in the thousands of ordinary moments where love quietly shows up. The problem is that ordinary faithfulness often becomes invisible. What we once appreciated, we begin to expect. What once felt like a gift begins to feel like a duty. And when gratitude disappears, entitlement usually takes its place.
That is dangerous in marriage.
When we stop saying thank you, our spouse may begin to feel used instead of valued. They may feel needed but not cherished. They may feel relied upon but not seen. Over time, the absence of appreciation can create distance, resentment, and loneliness.
Gratitude does not fix every problem in a marriage, but it does soften the atmosphere. It reminds both spouses that the relationship is not just a list of duties to be performed, but a covenant to be honored. Gratitude says, “I see you. I notice you. Your effort matters. Your presence matters. My life is better because you are here.”
Scripture repeatedly calls us to live with grateful hearts and encouraging words. First Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build one another up.” Hebrews 3:13 tells us to exhort one another every day. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Ephesians 4:29 teaches us to speak words that build up and give grace to those who hear. And Colossians 3:15 simply says, “And be thankful.”
These commands are not reserved for church services, Bible studies, or friendships outside the home. They belong in marriage.
Your spouse should not have to receive more encouragement from strangers than they receive from you. They should not have to go to work, church, or the grocery store to feel noticed, valued, and appreciated. The person who shares your home, your burdens, your bills, your dreams, your disappointments, and your future should regularly hear words that breathe life.
A simple “thank you” may seem small, but it can carry great power.
Thank you for going to work today.
Thank you for making dinner.
Thank you for taking care of that bill.
Thank you for listening to me.
Thank you for being patient with me.
Thank you for helping with the kids.
Thank you for keeping our home moving.
Thank you for staying faithful.
Thank you for praying.
Thank you for not giving up.
Thank you for making my life better.
Those words may feel awkward at first, especially if gratitude has been missing for a while. But awkward obedience is still obedience. The more you practice noticing what is good, the more your heart begins to change. Gratitude trains your eyes to see what frustration often hides.
This does not mean you ignore real issues. Healthy marriages still have honest conversations. Problems still need to be addressed. Wounds still need healing. Patterns still need to change. But correction lands differently in an atmosphere of honor than it does in an atmosphere of criticism. When your spouse knows they are valued, they are often more open to growth. When they feel unseen and unappreciated, even a small correction can feel like rejection.
So begin with gratitude.
Today, notice one thing your spouse does that you have been taking for granted. It may be something small. It may be something routine. It may be something they have done for years without applause. Then say it out loud.
Do not assume they already know.
Tell them.
Thank them.
Honor them.
Let your words become a place of encouragement, not just correction. Let your home become a place where ordinary faithfulness is noticed and celebrated. Let your spouse feel the blessing of being seen.
Because in marriage, sometimes one of the most powerful things you can say is simply this:
“Thank you for showing up today. My life is better because you are here.”
And maybe that is where healing begins.
At Your Great Marriage, we believe there is still hope. If your marriage feels distant, discouraged, or stuck in patterns you cannot seem to break, you do not have to keep doing this alone. We help couples slow down, identify what is really happening beneath the conflict, and begin building a healthier, safer, more God-honoring marriage.
To learn more or schedule a connection call, visit yourgreatmarriage.help or email us at help@yourgreatmarriage.help.
There’s still hope.