Restore

The Circle That Makes Marriage Work

 

Married couple smiling and posing for the camera.

Love Makes Faith Work. Faith Makes Prayer Work. Prayer Makes Love Work.

By Randy and Debbie Stroman

Recently, we heard a statement at a faith conference that immediately caught our attention:

Faith makes prayer work, and love makes faith work.

That led us to ask another question: Does prayer make love work? As we looked at Scripture, we saw a powerful spiritual progression:

LOVE → FAITH → PRAYER → LOVE

 

Love gives faith its proper expression. Faith gives prayer confidence. Prayer reconnects us to God’s love so that we can continue loving—even when love becomes difficult.

This is not a formula for controlling God or guaranteeing that everything will happen exactly as we desire. It is a biblical pattern that shows how love, faith, and prayer strengthen one another. It is also a pattern that can transform a marriage.

Faith Makes Prayer Work

Jesus said:

“Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”
—Mark 11:24, NKJV

James also wrote:

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.”
—James 1:6, NKJV

Prayer is not simply repeating words, expressing wishes, or rehearsing our problems. Biblical prayer is rooted in faith—confidence in the character, wisdom, goodness, and power of God.

Faith does not mean that we always know the exact avenue God will use to answer our prayer, but we know He will always answer in accordance with His Word.  His Word is the source of faith (faith comes by hearing the Word – Romans 10:17), so when we know what the Word says, it releases faith that our prayers have already been answered. It means we trust Him enough to ask, listen, obey, and believe that He is working even when we cannot yet see the result. We can have bold confidence that God will answer our prayer if it is in alignment with His Word.

In marriage, faith allows a couple to pray with hope instead of resignation. Rather than saying, “Nothing will ever change,” faith says, “God is still able to work in us, between us, and through us.” Stay in faith and your prayers will work.

Love Makes Faith Work

Paul states this principle directly:

“For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.”
—Galatians 5:6, NKJV

Faith does not operate apart from love. In fact, Paul makes an even stronger statement in 1 Corinthians:

“And though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”
—1 Corinthians 13:2, NKJV

Faith without love becomes harsh, prideful, demanding, or self-centered. We may be using spiritual language with our spouse, but it is nothing without patience, kindness, compassion, or honor.

Love gives faith its proper motive and direction. It keeps our prayers from becoming attempts to control our spouse. It changes our focus from “God, change my spouse,” to “God, help us become who You have called us to be.” Love moves us from self-focused to self-awareness.  That is where God can change us from the inside out.

In marriage, genuine faith is revealed not only by what we believe but by how we love.

Prayer Makes Love Work

The Bible does not use the exact phrase, “Prayer makes love work,” but it repeatedly shows that prayer causes love to grow, endure, and overcome our natural reactions.

Paul prayed:

“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment.”
—Philippians 1:9, NKJV

Paul understood that love could increase through prayer. He did not merely tell people to try harder to love. He asked God to develop a deeper, wiser, and more discerning love within them through prayer.

Jesus also connected prayer with loving difficult people:

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.”
—Luke 6:27–28, NKJV

Prayer changes our posture toward another person. It is difficult to sincerely pray for someone while continuing to feed contempt, bitterness, resentment, and hostility toward them.

Jude brings faith, prayer, and love together:

“But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God.”
—Jude 20–21, NKJV

Prayer does not manufacture love through human effort. Prayer reconnects us to the God who is love. As we receive His love, correction, strength, and perspective, we become more capable of extending love to our spouse.

Completing the Circle

The progression looks like this:

Love makes faith work.
Faith makes prayer work.
Prayer makes love work.

Diagram of an image that says "The Circle That Makes Marriage Work" with arrows pointing to other phrases.

Love moves us to believe that God still has a purpose for our marriage. Faith moves us to pray rather than surrender to hopelessness. Prayer brings us back to God, where our hearts are softened and our ability to love is renewed.

When this circle is broken, marriage becomes more difficult. Without love, faith becomes religious and self-righteous. Without faith, prayer becomes empty or hopeless. Without prayer, love becomes dependent upon feelings, circumstances, and our spouse’s behavior.

But when love, faith, and prayer continue working together, a couple can face difficulty without losing hope, endure disappointment without becoming bitter, and pursue transformation without turning against each other.

Put the Circle into Practice

Couples can grow with three simple daily steps.

  1. Express Love

Tell your spouse one specific thing you appreciate about them. Then ask, “What is one thing I can do today that would make your day easier?”

Love becomes real when it becomes useful.

  1. Agree in Faith

Identify one truth you are choosing to believe about your spouse, or your marriage.

It may be as simple as:

“God is still working in us.”

“Our present struggle does not have to become our permanent condition.”

“With God’s help, positive, sustainable change is possible.”

  1. Pray for Each Other

Take a few minutes to pray with and for one another. Keep the prayers simple, sincere, and encouraging.

Do not use prayer to preach at your spouse, correct them publicly, or tell God everything they are doing wrong. Pray for their strength, peace, wisdom, healing, purpose, and relationship with God.

Then complete the circle by looking for your next opportunity to demonstrate the love of God toward them.

There Is Still Hope

Your marriage may currently be caught in a cycle of hurt, disappointment, withdrawal, and conflict. But through God’s help, that destructive cycle can be replaced with a life-giving circle of love, faith, and prayer.

You do not have to remain where you are. Positive, sustainable change is possible, and there is still hope for your marriage.

To learn more about how we help couples rescue, restore, and renew their marriages, visit:

Your Great Marriage
https://yourgreatmarriage.help/

Marriage Help and Private Intensives
https://yourgreatmarriage.help/marriage-help/

To connect with us directly, email:

help@yourgreatmarriage.help